The role of coaching in life after baby loss

I could write for days about the personal, highly individualised, deeply emotional, and complex journeys of baby loss , whether this is through stillbirth, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, neonatal death, or any other type of baby loss. Parents continue to experience stigma, isolation, and long-term mental health challenges, and many still struggle to find the right support to suit their needs.

Counselling, therapy, and support groups have long been recognised as the first-line in supporting families after baby loss, and there are many exceptional charities, organisations, and individuals dedicating their work to ensure families get the support they need.

They don’t work for everyone though. This is not to say that they should, either. I had counselling in my early 20s, and if I’m honest, it stressed me out more than helped. I really struggled to find the time for the appointments, and I didn’t feel like I got much out of them. On the other hand, I had counselling again a few years later and it really helped me deal with the challenges of being a nursing student and working part-time. So, there was a time and place for it, it just didn’t work every time.

Coaching is no different: we’re taught that you need to be ready to be coached, you need to want to make changes and move forward. Of course, that’s easier said than done when it comes to managing life after the loss of a baby, and people regularly ask me what the ideal amount of time is. My answer? It completely depends on the person.

I am exceptionally honest with anyone who enquires about my services, and that is, if they or I feel that this is not the time for them, we need to let each other know. If I see that someone is focussing on the past, the specific trauma of their miscarriage, for example, it may be that coaching is not for them at that time.

I’ve had coaching conversations with people who lost babies just weeks before, and others who talk about their losses alongside their living adult children. In the same way the experience you have when you lose a baby varies so much between people, the support you need after it can be vastly different too. Timing is the same.

So what does coaching bring to the table?

I’ve written before about the differences between coaching and counselling, and in this context it’s vital that everyone is aware of what the support is aimed to do. Counselling and therapy focus on the past, the experience of baby loss, how to process the grief, and support you to live day to day alongside your grief. What some may see is the next step, is where coaching can come in: here we address the desire to move forward, carrying our baby with us, but with renewed strength, purpose, and clarity.

Coaching can help parents envision what they want life to look like now that loss is part of their story; looking beyond the pain, but never dismissing it. Coaching after loss can provide people with the autonomy to take active steps towards rediscovering themselves, and to build confidence to tell their story in their own way, paving the way for the future.

At no point would I ever say that coaching is a way to move on from loss; I struggle with the words “moving on”, the invoke a really negative reaction and thoughts of just forgetting the trauma and loss. Coaching is a way to move forward, hand-in-hand with your experience, and can be instrumental in discovering the building blocks you need to rebuild life and relationships after life altering experiences.

I would never claim that coaching should replace therapy, counselling, or any other form of support; these options, more often than not, can complement each other. Individual coaching can not offer the community of a support group (but group coaching can most certainly provide this), nor can it delve deep into grief processing, but it can provide actionable steps and future focus for strength, healing, and clarity. In some ways, coaching bridges the gap between grief and growth, between loss and strength: we will honour your baby and create a new narrative for your life, which incorporates everything you now know and have experienced. This makes coaching quite a unique and invaluable resource for many people.

While nothing can erase the pain of baby loss, coaching offers a path toward healing and growth. By providing a forward-focused, empowering, and individualised approach, coaching can help grieving parents navigate their unique journey with hope and strength. If you’re navigating this path, consider whether coaching could be the supportive tool you need to take back some ownership of your story, rebuild broken bridges, and step into your future.

Your words. Your story. Your future.