My Yoda: a reflection on mentors and role models
“Who do you look up to?”
I’ve been asked this question a lot in my life, by coaches, students, colleagues, friends, and it’s a really difficult question. I think in my 37 years I’ve looked up to a lot of different people, and those I’m about to talk about are by no means the only ones, but they spring to mind today.
My mum, of course. She was, and still is, a great Mum, despite her lack of filter and insurmountable addiction to showering her family with homemade crafts (cuddly toys, Noah’s ark blankets, paintings, a phase of chutney and jam production, and of course, the photos of her works in progress that fill up my phone memory daily). She had a limited relationship with her Dad and lost her mum in her 30s when she had two small children. I can’t imagine not being in a family with both parents walking by my side. I love my mum and without a doubt her opinion, approval, and love are things I need to keep me going, and to know I’ve made the right decisions in life.
Family was always a huge part of growing up, and a value that my parents have always held high: probably the reason why I hold my family so close to my heart despite the geographical distance between us. I have a cousin who I completely idolised when I was younger: I bought the same clothes as her, we spent weekends with her and her husband, I terrorised her by holding snakes which she’s terrified of, and later she gifted me the most horrific hangovers I’ve ever experienced. She was support, love, fun, and friendship, and I truly loved having her in my life.
I can think of people outside my family too who I have considered my heroes, or people I’ve aspired to be like; from my piano teachers (Christine and Frances) to a ward sister who cemented my love for women’s health and really shaped the nurse I consider myself to be today. And then there are students, patients, colleagues and peers who I look at and think wow! You’ve achieved so much, gone through so much, and you must be so proud of everything you’ve achieved.
But none of these people are me.
They are strong, successful, loving people, but nobody has done what I want to do. This is not to say they should have done, but one of my passions is celebrating diversity. We are all so different and we all have such a variety of things to offer this world, and despite the wonderful people who have shaped me and guided me, I aspire to be something else, all the while knowing each of them have contributed in some way to my whole being.
So, who is it I look up to? It’s me, but not me now, and not me in the past, it’s my older, wiser, accomplished self. The me I want to be, the me I am proud of, and the me who knows she has done everything she wanted to. This is not meant to be self-absorbed, and I am the first to acknowledge that I am by no means perfect, but we all have our own personal strengths, hopes, needs, and dreams, and although I have been shaped by a phenomenal network of individuals, I want to be me. I write about what that me looks like in another piece, but for now I want to celebrate our individuality, the fact we all have a very personal view of the world, and our dreams are our own.
I have always seen the positive and potential in people, but through coaching I have learnt to see it in myself too. So yes, I look to the world and my peers for inspiration, but I also look to myself and know that I have the potential to do all of the things I want to do.
See the world through your eyes, own your own journey, your highs and lows, and give yourself permission to dream of, work towards, and ultimately, live the future you want for yourself. It’s OK to be your own inspiration, you are the priority and only you know what you want to achieve.